I am scared...........

May be m just scared or may be they must be having a lot of determination and guts in them........may be i still want to live so that i can hate this life much more than anyday..............and may be they must have fell in love with death soon..............To die can never be easy but y cant it be when u dont want to live...........y cant someone just leave forever this world without a disturbance in others life..........Life is so puzzled and we keep playing it .......then in the end ppl understand tht they have to reunite to the real world leaving this dark night ....and.......the feel of hollowness ,chillling breeze which gives u a soft shiver and brings a smile on ur face.........but how can someone leave walking and choose for flying where u will never be able to feel the wet sand under ur feet and the tides trying to touch u , But what if these all become numb .............................shouldnt i sometimes think..................and i sometime think i am scared ..........

crying like a candle.............

Its dark..........dark....... so dense tht u can see death in this darkness...........they keep calling me and saying me tht i belonged to them , Mama let me go..............its dark everywhere.........no light and this candle looks so and so similar like me............the world thinks tht its giving them light and life, but they hardly realised tht he is crying , crying his heart out........

So hard when u touch it , but so soft frm inside . It melts himself so tht he can reach till the end of this virtual world..................may be only he saw the real beauty of princess death and thts y he cries ,shade tears for u cause ,u will b suffering in this world and he will reach to the nirvana.......

Mama he is calling me and ,i have to leave............i know i should have been with u but wht if , if i say, u should have been with me rather than i should have been with you in this fake world..........Mama my tears burns me from inside , my hatred for myself increases whenever i see myself in the mirror..........cant wash those fingerprints of her from my face and body...........tried washing the stains 100 times but i can still see the prints over my body everywhere, And someone tells me tht vl only loose them when i get a new body,i wana loose them and then i cry , cause i will have to leave you ,and my friends, but i know they will understand tht, this is the only thing which i did for my self......tried burning myself but the prints gets smaller but still visiable.........just like my death........mama let me go......i know it will hurt you, but please never think tht she is responsible for all this, she is pure, sweet , its just tht i got stained,.....plz ......dont cry for me when m gone.......may be i lossed all colours of this beautiful life in the rain i walked with her for hours, i thought m getting something but i hardly knew that i was loosing my life in tht rain, the rain washed my childhood, it took my pureness, and then i hate myself, .........may be m just here waiting for my turn to come.......and she says she is coming soon to take care of me . Mama will miss u but i know i will be happy and smiling there , they understand my pain and my pains are the happiness of this world..................so dont cry mama ......when m gone.............I cry like a candle and u will never see my tears , it is burning me , let me fly high and high above this world of betrayel, lies, cheats...........let me go...........

The evening passing by........

The evening passing by....... Bangalore/No date.

The breeze touched me, and made me smile
but it seems all fake and painful.
No one to talk, or to fight,
silence grew longer and longer. I smoke the second joint (MARIJUANA)
and try to kill your memories,
Blood run in, penetrating like bullets
but you seems quite happy and safe inside me.
I miss the colors and my innocence,
and this little white powder (Ketamin) promise me the compassion.
The breath come in from a rolled currency,
like a storm inside my head.


It isn’t a day nor the evening,
Everything becomes same and hazy,
I saw a running droplet (TEARS)
try finding the color.
Red or white, but it Is a part of me.

Eyes See things , which never exist,
drowning me more and more into you.
I cry for peace, and you smile,
making me crave for some more soft powder (COKE),
adultered breath, trembling hands, and it goes inside.

I see you, coming out of me in style,
rolling over my lips as warm water ( BLOOD).
and it feels like my first bath in this world,
needs a new childhood and a fresh start.
Mum gonna cry but why shouldn’t I,
84 mm of burning life and smoke,
oozing out of me made me feel LIGHT (CIGARETTE).
memories gets washed away and
I reach the staze of amnezia.
You aren’t you, but i see myself,
and stars come nearer leaving the black sky.
I pick up the tray, and a deep stuffed breath(COKE),
it takes me to the end, and see only bright light.
Morning is near but the start is far away
My final moments and I remember,
this world as I have never been a part of it,
and the time passing by bringing death in my reach.

I need to sleep, but alarm cries asking me to rush,
few more colorless people and devastating classes
but they call it life and I see it as
the last walk with trembling steps towards you again.....

ASHUTOSH KUMAR.
This poem is Dedicated to one, without whom these thoughts could have never became words, and neither all these pages could have ever been written.......and to all you readers . Keep reading more of me....